RevSpork

Shoulder pain and fun in DC

Maybe I should've packed less. I'm not one of those folks who pack for every single possibility. However, my bag must've done something to my shoulder, because ever since I jammed it into the overhead compartment en route to DC, I've suffered from near-chronic shoulder pain. Advil ain't doing shit, nor is Aleve. Or Thermacare. So I'll probably go see a doctor later in the week if my shoulder continues to give me grief. And yes, it hurts a little bit to type.

Other than that, Tori and I had a great time in our nation's capital. It was Tori's first time there, and my first in eighteen years, when I went there as part of a National Honor Society field trip and smuggled rum and coke in my carry-on bag. (Long story, but loads of fun.)

Our hosts, Anh and Craig, treated us well. We ate out, chatted, bitched about life, and did a little shopping around. Since we only spent a total of two days there, we didn't get to see as much of the capital as we would have liked, but we did watch over the Senate debating some amendments to a bill that we had no idea what it was about. I'm sure it was very important. We also saw most of the Air & Space Museum, which was pretty awesome. Again, it hurts to type, so I'm not going to go too far into what we saw. And yes, even Tori had to admit that Hillary Clinton does have a wide butt.

That's it for my shoulder. Have a good night. Oh, before I forget: airport security stopped me at O'Hare to take a closer look at my hairbrush.

A few days off

The Fiancée and I will be up in Milwaukee for a family reunion over the next few days.  I'm sure you'll all do well without me, but in case you miss me too much, just go to my archive and relive the experience all over again.  Ah... Willy Wonka... spiny salmon... pro-ana freaks... how can you not want to relive it all over again?

Anyway, ta-ta.  I'll be back on Tuesday.

Weekend with the "in-laws"

My apologies for not updating my blog lately, but I worked a couple of close shifts, then spent the weekend with relatives of the Girlfriend up in Milwaukee. For those who have never been to Milwaukee, let me dispel a few myths:

1. The city does not smell like stale beer. All the breweries moved out eons ago.

2. Their downtown, although not as picturesque as Chicago's, is not a decomposing, rotting mess of ghettoes and crack houses. Those areas are now being replaced with high-end lofts. Imagine, your very own upper-class crack house!

3. Milwaukee does not hold a monopoly of horrible sports teams. Chicago and Milwaukee split the title every other year as part of a sports "Sister City" program.

Milwaukee also boasts a nicer lakefront than Chicago's, plus really cool relatives. I enjoyed the hospitality, the BBQ, and the conversation, as well as an audio tape of a four-year old Girlfriend attempting to sing "Jingle Bells." The sound of her warbling "an' Joka ga 'way-aaa!" was definitely worth the cost of a personal day from work.

I'm going to miss Amtrak when the Republicans destroy it. Although I think transcontinental passenger train service is gone for good, I think Amtrak as a regional passenger service would be perfect. I've taken Amtrak from Portland to Seattle, Portland to Eugene, and now Chicago to Milwaukee, and I have to say the it beats the hell out of taking a puddle jumper or a bus for short runs. When you take the train, you don't have to worry about traffic jams or smelly, crazy people. You can use your cell phone to your heart's content. You don't have sit next to an extremely loud propeller while fighting off Buddy Holly tunes inside your head. Amtrak is a smooth, quiet ride, with comfortable seats and a lot of legroom. I can see why someone would prefer not to take two or three days going from, say, New York to Phoenix on a train, but I can't understand the problem with taking a train from New York to Boston. I think what will kill Amtrak is not just political pressure, but a failure on its own part to promote itself as a cheaper alternative to planes for those short hops.

Overall, I enjoyed my weekend with the Girlfriend's aunt, uncle, cousin, and especially their cat, Vernia. They made traveling to Wisconsin worth it.

Viva Los Weirdos

Now that you have read about my excursions to a gay hamburger joint and my adventures with sex toys in an airport, I thought I should devote the last chapter of my trip to the most mundane chunk of it - Las Vegas.  What a bizarre city.

Vacation Weather Review

We left Chicago in the middle of the biggest snowstorm to hit the city in four years.  Ten inches hits the ground.  Ten days later, we returned...and there's no snow on the ground.  Not a flake.

We flew to Phoenix and Las Vegas, two of the driest cities in the country.  We got rained on in both cities. 

The temperature in Phoenix hit 70 for the first time since before we arrived - on our last day there.  We arrived in Chicago at 1am that night - and it's five degrees above zero.  I actually gasped when the frigid wind hit me as we exited the airport.  We took a taxi home; the driver informed us it was 62 the previous Wednesday.  I think back; we were in Vegas that day.  The high?  57.  *SOB*

Should I sue God?  Cuz this is so wrong.

Not so good vibrations

I may be an odd person, but I don't ask odd things to happen to me.  I firmly believe I'm odd mostly because the weird in the universe have an attraction to yours truly.  My latest bout with weirdness came about simply because I'm a nice guy who wanted his girlfriend to enjoy more of Las Vegas than just the roulette tables.

More from Phoenix

The clues were in front of my face.  Hindsight, of course, is 20/20, but I still should have known I would spend Thursday night at a gay bar.  With my mother.

Report from Phoenix

I'm in desert country.  "On a dark dessert highway, Cool Whip in my hair."  So it's not original, I still think it's funny. 

Incidentally, the Girlfriend and I almost didn't make it here.  Read on, folks.

Can I have a real vacation now?

Ok, folks, I'm back. I really, REALLY need a vacation.

Been South

The girlfriend and I returned from our North Carolina expedition Sunday night, and as much as I'd like to say that Charlotte is buried up to its stinky armpits in beer-bellied hillbillies with straw in their teeth and burning crosses, I must sadly concede this is not the case. In fact, I had a...er...umm... great time there.