All right folks, I've got a religion for you. It's been wracking my mind for a couple months, but if I didn't toss you guys and gals a religion every once in a while, I'd worry I'd bore you to death with other concerns, like burning questions and word search puzzles.
I don't think my new religion is 100% original - I seem to recall an Isaac Asimov short story that works on a similar plane, and Riverworld also springs to mind - but then again, what religions are 100% original? And it's quite possible that someone else out there put out something just like what I'm about to post. But I assure you, dear readers, that this religion, if not original in reality, is original coming from my mind.
So here goes:
In the beginning, there was...whatever. Big Bang, beginning of the universe, etc etc. Stars formed, planets formed, all that stuff. Some amino acids dropped by Earth five billion years ago, give or take a million years or so. And they evolved into more complex creatures, and evolution kept going and going until... here we are. And eventually, there we go, into the dust whence we came.
But evolution kept going. Humans continued to develop, more complex, more intelligent. Eventually, billions of years later, we became so advanced - technologically, genetically, ethically - we found ourselves as close to perfect as one could get. We could halt the expansion of the universe. We could manipulate time and space. We could halt the degeneration of entropy. We really could "touch the face of God." (for the purpose of this religion, we'll call this evolved version of ourselves the "Fere Perfectum" (Latin for "nearly perfect") or "Fere" for short.
However, the Fere also found themselves in a quandary. With reaching the pinnacle of existence, they also found themselves with no challenges, no internal or external conflicts, no further reason to exist other than existence itself. With nothing to look forward to, the Fere decided to look backwards.
Working with their abilities, the Fere created a series of worlds designed to hold those who died before them. Here, for them, would be "heaven." Traveling through space and time, they plucked human souls from the point of death, built human bodies around them, and settled them on these worlds. They decided not to discern between good and bad souls; they could create brains lacking the biochemical instabilities that led to evil in the first place. These resettled souls required neither food nor drink, nor could they reproduce. Any wound instantly healed. On the other hand, they had the ability to age as they saw fit, slowing or even reversing if desired. They were given familiar surroundings and technology. And once they were done, the Fere stepped back and watched.
What they witnessed shocked them. Although most were happy to reach "heaven," some were infuriated to have been rescued from "eternal slumber." They immediately caused trouble, attempting to destroy the heaven created for them. Other peoples, freed from their mental instabilities but ignorant of any other way of living, continued their evil or insane ways they lived previously. Unable to kill, they attempted to torture instead. Most of these people were swiftly captured and imprisoned; others roamed free. Although the Fere expected some negative reactions, many of the souls' outrage and violence confused them.
Originally unwilling to make themselves known to the souls, the Fere felt they had no choice. They appeared to the souls, most of whom thought they were angels and hid from them. The more troublesome souls immediately attacked the Fere, but they were immediately repelled by the Feres' far greater powers. This did not stop them; they continued to push forward, oblivious to the reality of their situation. For days, weeks, this continued, for many souls knew nothing else. Finally even the most determined souls began to tire, and the Fere spoke to each troubled soul, in their own language, directly into their minds.
"Why are you unhappy?" they asked, "Have we not freed you from your pain, your need to do injury to others?"
Many grumbled that they did not wish to continue existing, that they had hoped their deaths would end their wretched existences. Others denied they were unhappy, that they only did what they had always done during their lives. Without the ability to kill, they said, they had no purpose, only rage.
The Fere listened. They discussed what to do. First, they discussed the killers. On the one hand, they could reintroduce the animals some of these souls hunted, to give them some release and restore their life's purpose. However, they did not wish to subject other living beings to terror. They finally decided to repopulate these killers on another world, give them hunger and thirst, and introduce animals for them to hunt: animals with no fear of them, with tough hides and tougher disposition, and when killed and eaten regenerate the next day. They also learn from the earlier attack, making them even harder to hunt. The Fere figured these souls would eventually weary of the hunt and want to move on with their lives. The souls embraces this option, despite the words of one of them, who thought The Fere were "kicking the can down the road." The Fere promised themselves to look that phrase up.
The atheists were a tougher problem. The easiest solution would be to simply release these souls from their bodies as nature intended. However, they also felt that, given the chance, they might decide to try this new existence, at least for a while. So they did both. They talked to each atheist soul and offered them two options: immediate release, or renewed mortality, just to try this life out. Most opted for the former and were released. Some decided on the latter; they were placed on a planet designed to accommodate mortals. For the time being, the Fere had solved some of the problems.
That's it for now. But here's this: a lot of this sounds pie-in-the-sky, but so do a lot of other religions. And I never said this was 100% original. But of it this way: if I'm wrong, then when you die, you'll be thinking, "Geez, humans are dumb."
