RevSpork

Polite suicides

They're very considerate, these Japanese folk, even when committing suicide by inhaling toxic fumes.

There's something oddly touching about these people, which I think is not uncommon to those with suicidal impulses. Sure, there are those suicidal types whose self-absorption and narcissism are so complete, they don't care who they destroy, emotionally or literally, on their way out of the mortal world. But for many of us with (or, in my case, once had) suicidal impulses, we would rather simply disappear with as little inconvenience as possible. If we could simply vaporize while simultaneously selectively scrubbing the minds of those who knew us of any knowledge of our existence, we would take this route gladly. But that's simply not an option, so what these Japanese suicides did was give warning the only way they could. Is it pathetic? Sure. Does it come close to compensating for their actions? No. But hey, they tried.

Polite suicides are still suicides. But these suicides are somehow more poignant, more honest. Although there may have been suicide notes with the victim, the "Poisonous gas being emitted. Caution" sign reveals a simpler desire: one could translate it as "Don't join me." Or even simpler, "Leave me alone."

I don't own one, but...owie

From cnn.com: Last month, in an American surgical first, doctors at the University of California, San Diego, removed the appendix of a 24-year-old patient through her vagina. Surgeons Santiago Horgan and Mark Talamini made a small incision in the wall of the patient's vagina, through which they passed surgical tools and a small camera to the appendix, removing the organ through the same incision.

Three thoughts:

1. Note to surgeon: don't sneeze.
2. I'm well aware how small cameras can get nowadays, but I can't help visually associating a "small camera" with a regular disposable one. Then I have to go lie down.
3. The organization these surgeons are members of? Natural Orifice Consortium for Assessment and Research, or NOSCAR. Where's the S, you say? I don't know. (Maybe they rented the leftover S from 1-800-MATTRES.) Looks like NOCAR to me, and I presumed that went without saying; I don't care which orifice they're digging through to pluck your appendix, there had better not be a freakin' car in the operating room.

For the entire article, click here. It sounds like an improvement over conventional surgery, but still...I think I need more time to not think about it.

How's your sex education program?

I'm not sure what to make of this, but only because I don't know how sex education in cities like, say, Chicago is taught. I'm guessing it's taught, like most of Chicago's public school education, not too well.

But think about that: one in every four teenage girls, including every other African-American teenage girl in the United States, has an STD. In your typical group of black girls on the CTA car, chatting and hollering and laughing, odds are that half of them have a sexually-transmitted disease. And the most common STD amongst teenage girls? HPV, that lovely little virus that causes genital warts and is considered the source of nearly all cases of cervical cancer. And condom use, although effective in reducing incidents of HPV transmission, does not eliminate it by a long shot, because the virus can be spread through the skin around the genitalia.

In a country where teenage girls are exposed to weird anti-sex perversions like virginity pledges and purity balls, how in the hell are they supposed to develop healthy attitudes about sex? And girls are the ones who need to develop these attitudes, because boys are complete morons when it comes to sex. We can't help it.

Ok, I'm kidding. A little. But what the hell is right about abstinance-based sex education? We know it doesn't work, but those supporters of it don't even seem to care it doesn't work. It's the only moral program, they believe, and if something is not worth doing, it's not worth doing right.

So a quarter of our teenage girls have STDs. A small portion of these girls will be at risk for cervical cancer later on. Sex education, no matter what the approach, would have not and will not prevent this. What will put a serious dent in teenage STDs is the HPV vaccine. But this, too, is controversial because it's considered pro-sex. Abstinence, these purity ballers proclaim, is a far better "vaccine." Well, no. A wedding ring is one of the worst forms of STD protection in the country, and if you think your convenant with God will somehow halt HPV in its tracks, you're a deluded lunatic. Unless you ban all non-virgins from marrying (and I'm sure there are quite a few loonies who think that's a great idea), using abstinence as an STD preventative is a fool's dream.

So while boys and girls give each other crotch rot (and how many teenage boys have STDs, huh?), we're stuck with sex education programs designed to fail our kids, a vaccine not available to nearly enough girls, and the most sexually neurotic nation on earth. Boy, I feel aroused just thinking about it.

The toy for your next frat party

Of all the tainted toys coming in from China, I don't think anyone would have predicted we'd be recalling a toy made from roofies.

I exaggerate but little. The coating of these little suckers contains a chemical that converts into GHB when digested. Too bad they're being recalled - Aqua Dots are pretty, and would look dee-lightful on desserts. Many fraternaties nowadays have severe restrictions on alcohol at their houses: why not lure those froshie co-eds with an ice cream social instead? Really, what's more innocent than an ice cream social? Even quilting bees were repositories of evil gossip at best, not to mention the scene of some of the most infamous lesbian orgies in Quaker history. If I were a frat rat, I'd be hunting down all the Aqua Dots I could find. And if I were a co-ed, I'd stick to beer. Or a quilting bee.

You be the judge! Again!

If the possibility of a potentially lethal epidemic, or even pandemic, is high, should the nation or community have the right to forcibly detain an infected person, unable to see relatives or friends, until they die?

Rethinking eugenics?

I know I can sound like an old-fashioned fuddy-duddy sometimes. I'm at the age (97) when my friends and I all reminisce about the "good ol' days" (ca. 1979-1995). "Remember when pop music didn't suck?", I'll say, and my friends will nod in agreement. "Remember the Super Bowl Shuffle?", and "Remember when sticking babies into ovens was a hilariously tasteless LSD urban legend?" I really do miss those days.

A Ohio woman has been accused of murdering her month-old baby by nuking it in a microwave oven. Worse, this is the second such incident in the last decade. Yes, Elizabeth Otte was mentally ill, and this latest incident has not yet been proven in court, but this all worries me. In the last few years, we've seen parents murdering their own children in a variety of gruesome ways, but microwaving them is definitely up there on the ick scale. I'm worried that someone out there is going to be arrested for eating their children, and after the tasteless jokes tone down, will we see a resurgence of eugenics?

Who knows. In the meantime, here's a little message for the moms and dads out there: a baby is not a frozen dinner. If you need to dry the baby, use a towel. If it's cold, use a blanket. I know these methods are hopelessly old-fashioned, and it takes a little time and work, but they're still extremely effective. Trust me.

Terri Schiavo passes on; what now?

Terri Schiavo passed on this morning.  No matter your politics and religious beliefs, we can all agree: the woman is at peace.

I'm not sure what's going to happen now.  One can hope that those with a personal relationship with Terri Schiavo can join together in grief for this person they loved so much.  One can hope, as with the Elian Gonzalez case, things will finally quiet down after the immediate controversy is resolved.  Unfortunately, I fear that Schiavo's husband and the judges who ruled in this case may be the victims of retribution, I fear that right-wing politicians will use this issue to destroy our republic's system of checks and balances by attempting to neuter the judiciary, their motives having little to do with Terri Schiavo. 

Except for people whose callousness knows no bounds, it is obvious to all that there were no winners in this little saga.  Life is full of difficult situations where morals and emotions do not align, when any decision results in pain, suffering, even death for someone.  This is known as Real Life, a situation designed to make God's children into God's grownups.

Less than three hours ago, God freed Terri from the prison her body had become.  Jesse Jackson prayed with Terri Schiavo's parents for a miracle, and God provided one.

A rare victory for pets

Finally, someone is given a hefty penalty for cruelty towards a pet. 

Return of the black cloud

It hit me for the first time since I restarted drug therapy. I felt it entering me at an odd time: while grocery shopping with the Girlfriend. It was what the store's sound system was playing that hit me: New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle." As I like the song a lot, my natural reaction was to sing along to it. But that's stupid. What retard sings along to tunes playing in a grocery store?

My grandparents, that's who.

Ha ha hee hee...oy vay

I just adore having to chain myself to antidepressants. I'm aware that they come with their good effects and their bad effects. But for someone who's slightly on the hypochondriac side, this news about my latest happy pill is not welcome.

Bah.