[Note: Blame Google Translator, not me, for that title. I was going for "A Very Sexy Game Show."
iHola, amigos! Welcome back to ¿Que más loco?, the game show that will lock you in a straitjacket if you try to convince mass transit riders you're Judy Garland. But enough of my personal life; [insert laugh track] on with the program!
A few days ago, the Tennessee state legislature passed bills (House Bill 3621 and Senate Bill 3310) forbidding sex education teachers to "promote any gateway sexual activity or health message that encourages students to experiment with non-coital sexual activity."
What does this mean? Don't ask me. Neither bill provides any examples of "gateway sexual activity" whatsoever. So, amigos, you'll have to help the teenagers of Tennessee out!
For ten points per "yes" answer, would any of the following activities be considered "gateway sexual activity" to the politicians in Tennessee and thus illegal for sex education teachers to discuss?
1. Hand-slapping
2. Nose-picking
3. Taco-chewing
4. Lasagna-baking
5. Speaking Spanish like Gael García Bernal
6. Spider-squashing
7. Pornography-pondering
8. Gun-fellating
9. Watching "Mad Men" for more than just an interest in 1960s advertising
10. Pickled pepper-picking
Aha, you are mucho smart! 90 points! (You were correct: gun-fellating is not considered an illegal gateway sexual activity in Tennessee!) But these next activities, they are much harder! Twenty points for each one you get correct! Watch out: some of these are muy tricky!
1. Fist-bumping
2. Log-kissing
3. Church-licking
4. Weiner roasts
5. Boob-scratching
6. Making up a word that starts with vag- (e.g. "Steven Seagal is ... VAGILANTE OF JUSTICE!"
7. Unitarianism
8. Listening to any music by Marvin Gaye
9. Ukulele-plucking
10. Sitting on a washing machine, no matter which cycle it's on
iDios mio! You are on a roll! Okay, on we go to the bonus round: 100 points! If you select the correct answers, you'll win YOUR VERY OWN SEAT IN THE TENNESSEE LEGISLATURE!
1. Donating to Planned Parenthood
2. Teaching your child about birth control
3. Being an adolescent
Congratulations!!! Thank you for playing ¿Que más loco?
Huh. They are busy in the Tennessee legislature, the evolution bill just became law:
http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2012/apr/10/tennessee-evolution-bill-becomes-law-without-gover/?CID=happeningnow
I could make a lot of snarky comments, but really it's clear that these legislators don't care that they look like meddling hypocrites, so why bother?
Posted by: A Facebook User | 12 April 2012 at 11:33 PM