RevSpork: Some crankiness for the new year

29 January 2012

Some crankiness for the new year

In honor of my blog's new, crankier look, I'd like to share a few thoughts that have eaten into my good humor the last few weeks:

The woolen animal hats hitting the fashion scene this winter look awfully cute ... ON CHILDREN. If you're over the age of fourteen, you can't wear them without looking like an idiot. Or, if you're a grown man, a pedophile. Stop it right now. (And by the way, if you're willing to cough up a hundred bucks to wear a woolen raccoon on your head, let me suggest you save some money and place a live raccoon on your head. They're certainly warmer, and claw marks and rabies strike me as a reasonable price to pay for being fashionably daring.)
While at roller derby last night, the section I sat in won a "free dessert." Sounds great. Gimme my free McFlurry coupon, and I'll cash that sucker come Monday. Nope, it was for "a free dessert with the purchase of any entree" at Saloon Steakhouse. Because, really, who doesn't go to an expensive steakhouse for dessert? I might as well have won a coupon for a free hand towel at my local brothel.
I'm looking forward to the Super Bowl this year, rooting for the Giants to pull off another upset. But I worry that, even though he's not in the Super Bowl, Tim Tebow's name is going to come up during the commentary, and I'm going to have to throw a brick through the television.
Our microwave conked out last week. While shopping online for a replacement, Tori marvelled at a "retro microwave oven." It looks nice, and it's gotten good customer reviews, but it looks nothing like a real microwave oven from the 1950s, which was the size of a modern refrigerator and cost more than a 1950s car. C'mon, if you're going to call something retro, it has to actually resemble the item it's supposed to retro. I know, retro is not a verb. Bite me. (On the other hand, the combination toaster-griddle intrigues me.)