The End

20 August 2011

Dear Concept,

What was once a ghost on a sonogram monitor, nothing remains.  My wife and I saw an empty womb yesterday afternoon, and we could not be more relieved.  It’s not because we didn’t want you, but after nearly two weeks of stress and pain and question marks, we can breathe easy.  Give us a month or so, and we'll try to pull you out of the ether again. 

It’s weird: it took a failed pregnancy to make me want you in our lives.  My enthusiasm for parenthood has never been more than insouciant (how’s that for a word?), but these past four weeks made me more comfortable with you than before. 

Why?  Maybe it reflects my stubbornness (whaddya mean, we didn’t score?) or a desire to give Tori what she wants, or something else.  I honestly don’t know.  I’ve never felt fatherly towards anyone; even with cousins or close friends who are younger than me, I’ve felt more avuncular than fatherly towards them.  Maybe you need to be in on the creation of life to feel it. 

All I know is that I would like you in our lives.  Maybe a ghost pregnancy, and all the anguish it caused, was what I needed to lock in that desire.  All I know is that Tori and I will give it another go sometime soon, and we’ll see what happens.  Maybe sometime next year – or the year after – you’ll get to share with Tori my slightly off-key whistling of “Ain’t She Sweet” while strolling across Michigan Avenue on our way home from the obstetrician. 

Love,

Rich.

Comments

[Stephanie Hartman]

*tight hugs to you and Tori*

I'm so sorry. I've not experienced that end of the loss spectrum, rather the other end, but I know many people who have. Many of them echo that sentiment of not knowing how fiercely you want something until you find out you don't have it.

Please, don't hesitate to ask me for help. If you need resources (support websites, books, etc), you know I have good ones at your disposal. Anything you need, please ask.

We love you. *hugs*

[Sarah]

So sorry. Wishing you both better days.

[AlexJB]

Wow, what a rollercoaster. I feel for you two. Not sure what else to say; I don't have any deep wisdom or experience in this, but I respect your sharing it with the world as that requires a lot of openness and vulnerability. I'm sure that if the two of you decide to go for it, things will work out.

[tony]

Best wishes. And thank-you for sharing your story.