RevSpork

The job

It's okay, I guess.  For the next several weeks, however, I will be denied the happy medium.  For seven months, I spent most of my waking time at home.  Starting Monday, I will leave for work at 8am, and be at home around 10:30pm.  I'll be a lab assistant from 9a-1:30p and 5:45-9:30p M-Th and 9a-1:30pm Fridays.  Since I work in Skokie, it would be a waste of time (and transit money) to go home for ninety minutes and then back to work, so I'll stay at work and busy myself with...stuff.  Like plucking my ear hair, listening to podcasts, teaching myself MS applications, etc.  In a word, this sucks, especially since the computers at Computer Systems Institute block Facebook (I found myself smiling when I noticed some of the students were using a MySpace unblocker page today while "working").  I'll cope, however. 

In less than three days I managed to teach myself MS Visio, and starting today I'm teaching myself MS Project to assist students with their assignments next week.  Note I had not the foggiest idea what these programs were four days ago.  Over the next few weeks I'll basically be paid to learn Quickbooks and Access, two programs very much in demand in the office environment.  In other words, if the worst happens and I'm not retained after the initial assignment, I'll walk out with a *lot* more on my resume than a mere two-line entry.

This also means, of course, my blog and lj will be quieter for the next couple of months.  All I can ask you guys to do is starting blogging more yourself.  We're all beginning to dry up: fewer posts, fewer comments - we can balance facebook and blogging, ya know.  Gimme something to read.  I *like* you folks: that's why I read your work.

I finally have a gig

My temp agency got me a gig.  It had been four months since I had first signed on, and I hadn't gotten a peep from them.  I'd check in every week, leaving a voice mail message saying I was available, and then I'd repeat the next week.  Eons passed.  Then on Wednesday, I got a call.  The Computer Systems Institute, a little corporate-run training school, was looking for a part-time instructor assistant for their classroom.  4-8 weeks, low pay, no problem.  I said sure. 

On Thursday morning I had a successful phone interview; that evening the in-person interview went similarly well.  I got the call this afternoon: I have myself a job.  I start Monday.  This afternoon, I picked up some computer texts, and I'll be spending a goodly amount of time this weekend poring through them.

There's some snags about the gig.  For one, I'll be assisting students in MS Office and Quickbooks.  I'm an ace in Excel and Word, but know only the rudiments of Powerpoint, almost nothing in Access, and I've never played with Quickbooks in my life.  Adding a tad bit of complication to this is that although Tori and I have MS Office on our computer, it doesn't include Access, and it's a newer edition than the software the school trains students on.  This shouldn't be a huge problem; the differences between the 2003 and 2007 editions are mostly visual.  But it is a bit of a pain.  Complicating the issue is that my temp agency has online MS Office and Quickbooks training, which I could take advantage of this weekend.  Version?  2000.  Another snag is schedule.  Although I only work weekdays from 9-1:30pm, that means my volunteering at Open Books is temporarily interrupted, since I work with them Thursday mornings.  However, they have a lot of programs I can get involved in, so I'll see what I can do for them. 

There's a lot of good things about the gig, too.  For one, it's a gig.  Over six months without a job was beginning to hit me hard.  I hadn't been looking for work as much as I had in previous months.  Knowing I have a job, even a temp job, is a huge relief.  And it provides evidence to me that I can present myself in an interview well.  I also get to improve my tutoring skills, which is nice.  Finally, the best part is the opportunity to sharpen my MS Office skills and learn Quickbooks, a mainstay at a lot of businesses.  If the worst-case scenario kicks in and it doesn't work out at the Institute, I still walk out of there with vastly improved computer skills.  It's a great opportunity. 

So I start Monday.  The irony, of course, is that Tori has the holiday off, so for the first time in a long, long time, she has the apartment to herself while I'm at work.  I just know she's going to celebrate by watching Maury.

Tori's Super Bowl

Some call the Oscars "the Super Bowl for women."  Tori wouldn't entirely agree; although she does watch portions of the Oscars (mostly to exchange approximately 671 phone calls with her little sister, judging the outfits on the red carpet), her Super Bowl is the Westminster Dog Show. 

I'm not a dog person.  Mind you, I like dogs.  I'm glad they exist.  (Pugs, French bulldogs, chihuahuas, and Boston terriers are exceptions, but they're not actually dogs: they're members of the vermin family.)  But I'm just not into the dog show stuff.  Dogs should not be shown off by WASPs at Madison Square Garden; they should be scarfing down Snausages and peeing on the Earth.  But Tori enjoys the show, roots for her favorites, and allows me to blog quietly in the office. 

Ya know, I don't have a conclusion for this blog entry.  So I'll stop.  Pugs should be fed to the homeless.  Bye.

More signs of the decline and fall of the American Empire

--- Christian T-shirts that go a wee bit too far. Wanna tell everyone you're an ex-masturbator? Buy now!

--- They're bringing back The Newlywed Game. Again. Guess who's the new host? Hint: it's someone as close to being the opposite of Bob Eubanks as possible.

--- This simply creeps me out. (Perhaps the church that sells the "ex-masturbator" T-shirts can give out Jesus M&Ms)

--- The economy is so bad, even the college campus gossip sites are closing down. Tragic, I say.

--- And finally, the next time you go to Paris and visit the Eiffel Tower...you might not want to touch it. Trust me.

Signs of the decline and fall of the American Empire

--- Selling your phone number on eBay because it's the title of a 27-year old pop-rock hit.

--- The Super Bowl interrupted by porn.

--- Lying to poor people to kick them off welfare.

--- There may be a time, very soon, when Starbucks cafes will not be located across the street from each other.

--- Everyone's going apeshit because the world's best human swimmer got baked.

--- And finally (for this week), my adopted city lost hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of vaccines, birth control pills, and controlled substances.

2012 cannot arrive soon enough.