1. It is true that, if a woman puts on a sweater with an embroidered teddy bear on it, her husband/boyfriend vanishes and her hymen grows back? What about an embroidered snowman?
2. You have developed Plasticman-like powers. How would you force Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich from office?
3. Be honest: when is the proper time people should be allowed to play Christmas music in the workplace?
4. Name five professional vocalists, dead or alive, who would form the core of a group of Christmas carolers in hell.
5. "Happy Holidays": Communist/atheist plot or a more polite way of saying, "It's December and because society demands it I must say something perkier. What's your religion? Christian? Jewish? Wiccan? How fucking awesome. Happy whatever. Now go away before I proclaim a holiday that requires me to break this bottle of gin over your head."
6. What was the worst thing you ever did while sitting on Santa Claus's lap?
7. Describe how you would use a fruitcake to kill or capture Osama bin Laden.
8. Finally, what do you want for 2009?
"Happy Holidays,"
the reverend.
Comments