The Lollipop

Psst!  Hey, girls!  Oh, I'm sorry, you ladies.  We bet some of you are still bitter about Hillary Clinton, aren't you?  The media sure wrecked her campaign, didn't they?  And Obama, that...you know, MAN.  He ruined her chances to become the first female president of the United States, our United States.  And those Democrats, they brainwashed her and Bill, and she betrayed you, didn't she? 

We understand your pain.  We understand what you're going through.  That's why we picked a woman as John McCain's running mate.  Sarah Palin, she understands you.  She's a tough gal, just like Hillary was.  She runs Alaska, the biggest state in the Union.  She's run businesses, a small town.  And she has five children.  Yes, she understands a woman's travails, her pains.  She'd make a great vice president.

And c'mon, Jon McCain is 72 now; he can't live forever.  Sure, he looks healthy, but he looks a little tired after all this campaigning.  He endured 5 1/2 years of torture as a Vietnam POW; that must have trimmed his life span a little bit.  He's had cancer how many times?  Three?  Four?  His health could break at any moment.  Just think, ladies, your own Presidentress within a few years. 

Now, don't look too closely at her political record.  Yes, she's a radical pro-lifer, against abortion even in cases of rape or incest.  Sure, she's a proud member of the National Rifle Association, and yes, she's about as pro-environment as Exxon.  That's not important, ladies: what is important is that she has ovaries.  She fulfills your dreams as a woman, simply because she is a woman.  She won't betray womanhood like Hillary Clinton did, and she's certainly less dowdy-looking.  She will dry your bitter tears.

Here's your promise for a woman president, ladies.  Here, take the lollipop.  Take it.