RevSpork

Yet another reason to boycott Wal-Mart

If you work at Wal-Mart...quit. I don't care if the alternative is homelessness. Heaven forbid you get into an accident. It's injustices like these that tempt me to write "ALERT!" chain letters.

I haven't purchased a single item at Wal-Mart in well over ten years, and the way they treat their employees, I never will.

I like my Southern cliches juicy and 16oz.

A Texas cliche, alive on your computer. Fight the sausage power!

The idiocy of brand marketing

I'm perusing the latest Stephen Colbert literature in the bathroom when I found myself staring at the new package of toilet paper the wife and I recently purchased. It's a nine-roll package of Angel Soft toilet paper. You know the logo: a smiling infant wrapped in a blanket. But what does a baby have to do with angels? The closest guess I could come up with is the infant itself is an angel - an angel baby. And the message here is:

I'm wiping my ass with a baby angel.

Brand marketing is so totally screwed up.

The toy for your next frat party

Of all the tainted toys coming in from China, I don't think anyone would have predicted we'd be recalling a toy made from roofies.

I exaggerate but little. The coating of these little suckers contains a chemical that converts into GHB when digested. Too bad they're being recalled - Aqua Dots are pretty, and would look dee-lightful on desserts. Many fraternaties nowadays have severe restrictions on alcohol at their houses: why not lure those froshie co-eds with an ice cream social instead? Really, what's more innocent than an ice cream social? Even quilting bees were repositories of evil gossip at best, not to mention the scene of some of the most infamous lesbian orgies in Quaker history. If I were a frat rat, I'd be hunting down all the Aqua Dots I could find. And if I were a co-ed, I'd stick to beer. Or a quilting bee.