RevSpork

Death of a Character

The death of Molly Ivins today ended an amazing career... no, that doesn't work. I can't adequately write how I feel, but I'll simply state what's on my mind.

Molly Ivins was one of my literary heroes, someone whose wit and storytelling skills both inspired me and made me laugh. Her politics were mostly my own, but I would have enjoyed reading her work even if I were a Republican. She was a writer for the "regular folks": she took complex political issues and distilled them through her Texas filter, making them accessible to all.

Molly could be frustrated by right-wing yahoos and political sell-outs, but she never lost her faith in Americans. She was an enthusiastic devotee of our democracy and forever believed the power of the people would eventually triumph over the forces of greed, corruption, and ignorance. That eternal optimism, combined with a mental toughness, speaks volumes why it took a good eight years for breast cancer to finally take her life.

I did have the opportunity to meet her once, in 2003, while she was promoting her latest book (her third collaboration with Lou Dubose), Bushwhacked. She was typical Molly, telling stories many of the audience had heard before but didn't mind a bit. We got autographs, too; mine reads: "Raise more hell, laugh more too!" I do my best.

Molly Ivins was down to earth, hilarious, and a true patriot. She was far more a quintessential American than anyone in the White House could boast. Her words of wisdom, her stories, and her hope for America's future will always be an inspiration for me.

Check out this obit of Molly Ivins in The Nation.

Can it get any colder?

Of course it can. And it will. On Super Bowl Sunday, when I'll be hosting a fun little party, the high temperature is expected to be eight degrees. Depending on what web site you look at, the low temp will be anywhere from two degrees above to eight degrees below.

I don't know why I'm complaining. Chicago has been downright balmy most of the winter. And I'm sure that my wife's relatives in Milwaukee will have it worse. And Duluth? They're screwed.

I just hope the weather doesn't prevent our guests from ditching. There will be, after all, hot dogs *and* chips. Who can miss out on that?

Barack Obama: Radical Muslim crackhead?

I'm a full-time Obama fan, and have been since he was elected to the Senate just over two years ago. My wife and I disagree whether he's currently presidential material (I think he should go for it; she thinks he should wait until 2012 or 2016), but we both admire his integrity, his hard work, and his empathy for others.

What we both find pretty bizarre is the loony right's attempt to find some dirt, *any* dirt, on Mr. Obama. They've tried seizing on his cocaine dabbling as a teenager, but Obama freely admitted it years ago in his first book, "Dreams From My Father." He admits it wasn't smart, he cleaned up, and went on with his life. It's hard to dig up a past indiscretion when the candidate in question isn't hiding it. Fact is, compared to all the other presidential candidates, Obama is a Boy Scout.

So what's the right wing's answer? Take something with the most tenuous connections to the candidate and mold it into a scandal. Case in point: Barack Obama's middle name: Hussein. Freepers and other loons wove this into a vivid Muslim fantasy, and since a lie told several times becomes plausible, it got picked up by the mainstream media. Fox News started referring to Senator Obama as "Barack Hussein Obama," as if his middle name would immediately initiate comparisons to Saddam Hussein, when in reality the two men have as much in common as Charles Schultz and Charles Manson. The good news about these lies rising to the mainstream, of course, is that they can be easily dismissed, as they have by both CNN and the Associated Press, who looked into allegations of Obama's so-called ties to radical Islam and found them completely without merit.

But that won't stop the right wing. They know that unless Obama himself stumbles, they have virtually nothing to hang on the junior senator from Illinois. Hillary Clinton, of course, carries a lot of controversy on her back, but at this early time in the election process, it's not hurting her very much. Unless John Edwards' campaign picks up some serious steam, the Democratic primary will most likely be a two-person race. But what of the GOP?

We have some candidates right now; the two major ones are former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani and Arizona senator John McCain. There are a few others, but nobody particularly stunning. However, in the light of the ludicrous charges against Obama, I figured I would make up some of my own against the GOP nominees for President. I'll throw in a truthful one as well, just for laughs.

It's about time

I've been at my current job for three years now, and I'm at the point where I need to get the hell out of there.

I'm sick of the crazy bums that hang out there, and then I have them thrown out, they come back in, I have the cops throw them out, and then they come back in a few months later, thinking we have no idea who they are.

I'm sick of the corporation's constantly changing standards in terms of everything. The funny thing is, the changes aren't minor adjustments to current standards; they're radical changes that require, quite literally, rearranging the entire store.

I had my physical yesterday, my first in three years. As usual, my blood pressure is high and rising. This job is doing a number on my health. I sometimes come home with headaches, chest pains, and burning, focused rage. I dream about work. It's time to go.

It's wonderful that I've found a fantastic woman as my partner for life and that I have such great friends. Now it's time to make the next step: finding a job that doesn't frustrate me daily and actually does something good for people. I miss that feeling.

Okay, I'm done kvetching. Toodles.

You be the judge! Again!

If the possibility of a potentially lethal epidemic, or even pandemic, is high, should the nation or community have the right to forcibly detain an infected person, unable to see relatives or friends, until they die?

An open letter to James Berardinelli

While sipping the last of my boxed chardonnay, I checked out James Berardinelli's movie review site, looking for commentary on the Golden Globes show. Berardinelli has been writing movie reviews on the internet since the early 1990s, jumping from Usenet to his own web site in 1996. His reviews are well-written, but my favorite moments are when something, whether a movie or anything else, gets under his skin, and he morphs from "movie reviewer" mode to "salty curmudgeon." (I still read his review of "Freddie Got Fingered" for a good laugh.) So when he described the Oscars in his 17 January edition of Reelthoughts as a "great big circle jerk," I had to respond. I can only hope he isn't offended.

Text of my e-mail is below.

Waitin' on a PC

Not long ago, my wife was suffering from severe puppy fever. She wanted a dog romping in the apartment ASAP, no ifs, ands, or buts. She's calmed down, but only because of a new nesting syndrome... PC fever.

Yes, she finally placed an order and put down the moolah. Now she sits and waits. I remember a passage in one of Bill Cosby's books about one of his prepubescent daughters sitting by the window, sighing softly but impatiently, waiting for her breasts to arrive. I sympathize with Bill, for Tori has that same achingly eager look, a mix of giddyness and worry, hoping her new HP arrives soon and in one piece. She has a million projects expanding inside her brain, chief of which include several dozen greeting card ideas, thank you notes, and finally getting our wedding photos to the outside world. I, of course, stuck with my old Mac for at least a few more months (waiting patiently for my income tax refund), will stare into her office from the outside, longing to touch her new computer but well aware she'll probably have it booby-trapped. Maybe she'll let me look at it, as long as I don't stare.

Only five days away. Will she survive? I'll do my best to keep her occupied. I'm sure she can't wait until tomorrow to watch the NFL playoffs with me.

Burning Questions '07

1. What do idiots think about? This has been nagging at my brain. While on the Red Line train lately, I've glanced into the eyes of many obviously stupid people, wondering what they think about. Although I do not consider myself a genius by any definition, I do think of myself as at least marginally intelligent, and I can't figure out for the life of me what goes on in the brains of idiots.

2. Why does my wife, wonderful as she is, never throw out empty packets of Splenda, but leave them on the kitchen counter?

3. Can someone please explain to me, after all these years, the continuing popularity of Paris Hilton, and why anyone would have any positive considerations of her?

4. If you wish for something and you forget what you wish for, will it still come true?

5. If I could lose half my weight and still be relatively healthy, is that a sign that I'm obese?

6. Death drops by your door and informs you it's your time. However, after beating him in a poker game, you are given a choice of one of the following wishes Death will grant you before you go:
a. four hours of sexual intercourse with the stamina and energy of a 25-year old, with any living being you choose;
b. enact a law that must be honored by the entire world for twenty years;
c. commit any crime with no fear of punishment;
d. determine the exact circumstances of your demise.
No infinite delay, though: you have an hour to decide. Explain your answer.

7. Why does Nyquil taste so bad but feel so good?

Will the wellness fairy please drop by?

Tori and I continue to ail. She took the day off, went to the doctor, and is now asleep. She's so ill, she didn't even plop on the couch and watch Maury Povich, her traditional position when out sick. I'm entering my fourth week of my hacking cough. Although I faithfully took my antibiotics and am no longer coughing up crud, I'm still hacking away. I have a second doc appointment in about two weeks.

We're not old yet. Why is this illness taking so damned long?

Meanwhile, I'm so sick of my damned job. The interview I did last month (and which most likely triggered my bronchitis, as I was stuck in the rain for 20 minutes while waiting for busses to take me home) didn't take, and subsequent job searches have come up empty. The bookstore has me burned out, and it's not just the aftershocks of the holiday season. It's finally time for me to admit this: I'm really, really sick of crazy people. Yesterday a customer asked me to order him a couple of books on satanic sorcery. Sure thing, Mr. LaVey Jr. I ordered the books without so much as a blink. I mean, this is exactly what the northern suburbs needs: another Satan. The Dark Lord of Waukegan.

So I'll continue to look for new work, wiping the remnants of my hacking off the monitor. Happy New Year, and wish us luck and good health.