1. What do idiots think about? This has been nagging at my brain. While on the Red Line train lately, I've glanced into the eyes of many obviously stupid people, wondering what they think about. Although I do not consider myself a genius by any definition, I do think of myself as at least marginally intelligent, and I can't figure out for the life of me what goes on in the brains of idiots.
2. Why does my wife, wonderful as she is, never throw out empty packets of Splenda, but leave them on the kitchen counter?
3. Can someone please explain to me, after all these years, the continuing popularity of Paris Hilton, and why anyone would have any positive considerations of her?
4. If you wish for something and you forget what you wish for, will it still come true?
5. If I could lose half my weight and still be relatively healthy, is that a sign that I'm obese?
6. Death drops by your door and informs you it's your time. However, after beating him in a poker game, you are given a choice of one of the following wishes Death will grant you before you go:
a. four hours of sexual intercourse with the stamina and energy of a 25-year old, with any living being you choose;
b. enact a law that must be honored by the entire world for twenty years;
c. commit any crime with no fear of punishment;
d. determine the exact circumstances of your demise.
No infinite delay, though: you have an hour to decide. Explain your answer.
7. Why does Nyquil taste so bad but feel so good?
1) "Why is that elitist egghead staring at me so much?"
2) FSM only knows, but I do the same thing.
3) She has one of those things. Between her legs. You know?
4) Probably not. Sorry.
5) Probably. Welcome to the club.
6) Having a hard time choosing between b & d. a. is impractical because it'd be a lousy way to leave my sweetie and probably scar her for life. c. is just silly. I suppose if my crime was to take LSD and dance on the whitehouse lawn..... d. would be nice to have my family with me and go peacefully. But b. has the possibility to make a real impact...depending of course on who's enforcing the laws.
7) Mad Doctors made it.
Posted by: elmegil | 08 January 2007 at 10:45 AM
1. Toast.
2. Because their cheery yellow color brightens up our dull kitchen?
3. My theory is that the only people left with positive views are 1) her family, who are just denying how ashamed they are and 2) idiots who only think about things like toast. And being famous.
4. Totally.
6. C. Let's just say it will involve Paris Hilton. But not toast.
7. Booze, baby.
Posted by: ChgoRed | 09 January 2007 at 08:01 AM
1. This question reminds me of what a friend once said, regarding what goldfish think about as they swim in their bowl: "Look, a castle... Look, a castle... Look, a castle..."
2. Same reason I leave my used bottle caps by the sink.
7. That's how you know you're getting the good stuff. Mmmm.
Posted by: Myke | 10 January 2007 at 12:32 PM