ChgoRed, Girl Editor

Mushmouth

You might hear on the news tonight that John Kerry wants to blow Osama Bin Laden's brains out. Wow! What an exciting statement from any candidate, especially this early in the campaign!

Like we should be so lucky.

Where's My Red Pen?

Two from Reuters, no less, in an article about the Academy Award Nominees' Luncheon.

"Joe Roth, the veteran filmmaker producing his first Academy Awards telecast, admitted to a certain nervousness about the Feb. 29 show to be hosted by Billy Crystal, a show he promised would be "funny and quick" and have a surprise at the end when the cameras goes back stage to catch all the winners at once. "

Even better, the article describes Tim Robbins as being nominated for "nest supporting actor." Hee!

The Reason for the Red Pen Awards

That awful fax I mentioned a few days ago--the one with all the grammatical errors--can now be found here.

So very sad.

Red Ink

Shortly after I first started working as an editor, I learned one of the realities of the job: It's almost impossible to stop editing, even when you're not at work. I can guess it's because editing--especially copy editing--involves learning to read in a new way, and you can't very well stop your brain from reading, can you? Whatever the reason, it's always there. So much so that eventually you'll find yourself in a truckstop somewhere between here and Detroit, killing time by editing the placemat, which features four badly written columns about the incredible properties of royal jelly.

Editors are just like that. We're the ones yelling at misspelled signs or correcting the grammar of TV anchors. We're not crazy; we're editing. And honestly, we're wishing for a giant red pen so we can just take care of those editing needs we see every day. That's why we look so frustrated--we see or hear things that need changing, but can't actually do anything about them.

Case in point: Yesterday my office received a spam fax that promoted the stock of Integrated Performance Systems (IPFS), a defense contractor. Does it need editing? This baby is begging for the red ink treatment. Two columns of tiny text, and I could find exactly two sentences that did not need correcting. It's not just the random capitalization, hyphen hijinks, or arbitrary punctuation. It's all of it, and the fact that this fax is supposed to make me think IPFS is something worth investing in. Instead, it makes me think IPFS needs some smarter PR people.

So, in honor of this piece of yuck, I am instituting the Red Pen Award. I'll give it out whenever a piece of particularly edit-worthy material comes my way (submissions accepted).

I'll scan and post the whole fax later, but for now, here is a sample sentence.

"All High Grade circuit boards components for Military & Defense, MUST be manufactured with-in the United States!"

Now where did I put that pen?