Long Road Ahead

Well, they’re in agreement now. So that’s something.

Below the knee, probably tomorrow, as my mother refuses to have the operation on Easter. After that, a few days in the hospital and then several weeks in a rehab hospital. After that, assisted living somewhere.

Given everything they’ve told us in the last few days, and her condition now, I can’t help but agree. The infection is being contained by the antibiotics, but it’s not going away. Any healing has been minimal. There are new concerns about the infection affecting her hemoglobin levels, etc., etc. In a situation where all the choices suck, this is the best option.

She’s not happy about it—she’s naturally quite scared—but she’s also resigned to this. Mostly, she’s focused on how she’ll get around. I don’t mind that—she needs to focus on what she can, the physical part.

Unfortunately, all this medical care does not come for free. At the risk of embarrassing my mother, this is the reality: She has no medical insurance, almost no money in the bank, and no assets to liquidate beyond furniture. She has a will and some life insurance, but no long-term care insurance. In essence, there is nothing there and—despite our repeatedly talking to her about it—nothing was put in place for a situation like this.

It's hard not to get upset when I think about how nearly all of this was preventable.  There were so many things she could have done in advance, but didn't, because she felt fine.  As a result, we are now scrambling to sort out the thicket of thorns that is Medicaid/Medicare, while keeping an eye on her medical care, and trying to plan for her future.

I have not stopped feeling tired and worn out all weekend. I can’t imagine how N. must be feeling right now.

And in case you’re curious, my mother is only 61. How’s your insurance plan looking?

Comments

[Steph]

I'm so sorry. *hugs and thoughts for your family*

Since my sister handled the financial/paperwork aspects of my mom's hospitalization and quadruple bypass, I don't know the details but I suspect she was in a similar situation. It is rather terrifying to think about--and infuriating as well. Situations like those impact so many more people than just the patient.

[Steph]

And um, have a birthday. :-) We won't say happy. But do have one, at some later point when you can take a breath.

I hope your taxes went smoothly at least.

[Heather]

I'm so sorry! I haven't been keeping up with blogs this week and completely missed that this was going on. I don't have anything good to say,because nothing is going to make it easier or feel better, but if you need anything, let us know.

[Steve]

*HUG*

This country's health system is fubar. When my mom was getting treated for breast cancer, her doctor recommended that she get a PET scan. PET scans are rather expensive and so the insurance company said no. Rather than fight it, my parents ended up paying $5,000 out of pocket to do it at an independent clinic. Notably the hospital was going to charge them like $20K to do it.

So even if you have insurance it doesn't necessarily mean much. If you get terribly sick, what was once affordable health insurance can rapidly be wiped out by various out of pocket costs. You best luck is if you have a company provided insurance, but then you get no choice about the costs. It's whatever your employer wants...

*SIGH*

Sorry, that really sucks. I'm highly against parental mortality :(

[OldFriend]

I can sympathize with your mom's situation, because my mom is in the same mess. Poor health, no savings, no assets beyond a triple-mortaged house that she's upside-down on, and she just quit her job because she'd rather be on disability. (Her poor health is largely mental, but she also chain-smokes, is overweight, high-blood pressure, cholesteral, borderline diabestes, etc. etc etc). She's only 57 and I think she'll be dead by 65. Not much you can do in these situations, since our parents have mostly made their own beds by making poor life and health choices, and now they have to lie in them. Good luck and take care of yourself first. You can't help anyone else if you're a mess, too.