ChgoRed, Girl Editor

Four Score and Seven Chicken Dances Ago

Wedding Progress: We have a place and a date! Hooray! Assuming they got our check (I really should call them tomorrow), we'll be making the big pledge at our local Swedish-American Museum. It was available, it was in the budget, and we liked the space. Done.

Responses:
My sister: "That's great!"
My dad: "I'll bet that will be really cool!"
My mom: "You're getting married in a Swedish museum?"

Yes, mom. Because we're converting. To Swedism.

Wedding Rule #12: If you frequent any sort of wedding message board, there will always be someone who has done more/planned more/reserved more than you. And her wedding will be at least six months after yours.

I hate these women. They make the rest of us look bad, and they make it hard for people who aren't planning their weddings two years ahead but would still like to get married when the weather is nice. Example: The woman I saw this week. She has already booked and reserved everything--pastor, church, caterer, photographer, videographer, DJ, reception site, etc.

Her wedding? Is in May 2007. Because booking only a year ahead was just too much of a risk, I guess.

News to her, though: Every vendor I've contacted has been available for our date, and we've got a mere 10 months to go. Sucka.

Wedding Rule #23: DJs are nuts.

Now that we've actually got our place and date, we're moving into the next stage: Booking the secondary vendors (DJ, photographer, catering). Catering will be tough--lots of budgetary fiddling. Finding a DJ seems easier, so this week I e-mailed a slew that fell into our price range. Most have come across as reasonable and level-headed. Well, reasonable for people who keep trying to sell me on things like lighting extravaganzas, disco balls, and "a special mist to cover the floor when you're dancing." They also all claim to be "no cheese" DJs, which makes me suspicious. They can't ALL be non-tacky. They'd never get enough work to stay in business.

One woman offered a wedding package that includes "Village People & Blues Brothers hats." You know--for the sing-along. At your wedding.

Today I got the best response so far. He seemed lucid enough in the beginning, although his answer to my "no cheese" request was, "I would also immediately fire any one of our 13 DJ's the day they pulled out inflatable guitars." It seemed a little heavy-handed to me.

The absolute best part, though, was his wrap-up. Directly from the e-mail: "By the way, we are the perfect wedding DJ's thanks to a revolutionary document I created based on 14 years of experience. I am not overstating the word revolutionary, we are very impressive with our approach to weddings."

*blink blink*

So...he's a perfect DJ because of a "revolutionary" document he wrote...about being a DJ? Was he not perfect or revolutionary before crafting his DJ manifesto? Is he the Ted Kaczynski of wedding DJs, and would that be a bad thing? How nicely would I have to ask to see this fabulous and groundbreaking thesis? I mean, with that paper I could revolutionize the world of wedding DJs myself! The power would be mine!!!

Or as Teri put it, "We, the DJs of _______, in order to form a more perfect wedding..."

Encouraging the Spirit of Giving

My office periodically runs these little mini-fundraisers. The idea is that you donate $5 to the designated charity, and in return you get permission to wear jeans to work for a day.

I ran up against one of these the first time last fall, when the charity was breast cancer research. I skipped that one because 1) I have serious issues with the way breast cancer is marketed. 2) The posters and brochures carried the poorly written slogan, "Over 40,000 women will get breast cancer this year. That's 40,000 too many," which always left me wondering about the women unlucky enough to fall into the "over" category. Like, so they only care about the first 40,000? How late in the year would I have to get cancer for you to still care? 3) The spokesman that year was Charlie Sheen. Of all people. The posters of his earnest, not-all-hooker-and-blow-loving face were all over my office, including the door to the ladies' room (but not the men's room, naturally). I don't care how many cancer patients he's known. If there's anyone on the planet who I do not want looking all wistful and concerned about the state of my breasts, it's Charlie Sheen.

But I digress.

The latest $5 for jeans drive was for RIF--Reading Is Fundamental. Giving to that was a no-brainer. I'm an editor, after all, and I remember RIF ads from when I was still watching "Captain Kangaroo." So I ponied up the cash and wore jeans. Note--the jeans day was the day before Thanksgiving, when our office closes three hours early--not even a full workday.

Today, we all got this e-mail.

"Good morning! We've collected a total so far of $xxx.xx. We have received some money without a name - if you left money in an envelope with ______, please let her know it was you.

We also have a list of people who dressed in jeans but haven't made their donation yet. This is your friendly reminder to drop off your cash. Remember it's all for a great cause!"

Did you see that second paragraph? They actually went to the trouble to compile a list. As in, "You slackers who thought you could sneak by and wear jeans for free? We're coming for you." For a great cause.

And they wonder why people hate giving at the office.

Newspeak

Although I am way too busy at work to be doing this, a quick deconstruction of a Yahoo/USA Today article.

1. Note how the headline doesn't quite give the gist of the article. There is more than a bit of difference between "defends thwarting attacks" and "defends indefinite detention."

2. Rice was able to deliver these statements with a straight face. She really is a marvel.

Rice defends thwarting major terror attacks

By Barbara Slavin, USA TODAY Tue Nov 29, 6:53 AM ET

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on Monday defended the indefinite detention of terrorist suspects as part of an unprecedented war to prevent massive attacks on civilians.

In an interview with USA TODAY, Rice neither confirmed nor disavowed the existence of secret prisons abroad that The Washington Post reported this month. She said the Bush administration's policy of making arrests before crimes are committed benefits other nations as well as the United States.

"We have never fought a war like this before where ... you can't allow somebody to commit the crime before you detain them," she said. "Because if they commit the crime, thousands of innocent people die."

And if they've committed no crime, that would make them...what's the phrase? Oh yeah. Innocent.

Thankful Is the Most

Googlism: thankful

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thankful is to deepen your love for god and for others
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thankful is one of the basic principles of the torah
thankful is that our sinful human nature tends to focus on what we don't have rather than be grateful for what we do
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thankful is defined as "grateful"
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thankful is an album that will guide the youth into embracing gospel on a whole new level

Nov. 17: The Great American Smokeout

For my Grandpa S., who I never really knew; and for the SporkDad, who I didn't know nearly long enough.

You guys are missed.

Get help to quit smoking here or here.

Craft Show: The Aftermath

How was it? Baby, it was fab. As in, yesterday at lunch I had to go to the post office to ship off my second Web site order. As in, I learned so much in 7 hours that I’m still processing it all. As in, we gave away every business card I brought, got enough names to make up an actual mailing list, and sold out of both the gingerbread man and reindeer cards.

That fab.

Thursday & Friday of that weekend were pretty busy on their own, because: guests! My sister and her man were in town for a wedding (no, not mine). So there was much hanging around with them and using them as an excuse to go to really great restaurants. Sushi on Thursday and tapas on Friday--yum! Friday was also girly day for the Sis and me downtown, with much in the way of shopping and walking and eating and shopping. Plus, shopping.

Saturday, with the bro-in-law still getting over a stomach bug, The Boy, The Sis and I (plus a big container of cards and supplies and one spinner rack) squeezed into a cab and headed down to the auditorium. I was plenty nervous--at points it was like I was walking through a movie. It seemed so unreal that a year ago I could see a poster and think, "Maybe I could do that…" and now, here I was actually doing it. For someone who has, er, confidence issues; who isn't so great at talking to strangers; and who tends to forget things a lot, this was a big deal. If I only sold 5 cards I would consider the day a success, because just by walking in the door with my merchandise, I had already met every goal I had set for myself. It was a cool feeling, and a little dizzying.

I remember setting up the booth, and I remember selling stuff. Mostly I remember being dazzled by the idea that people would buy what I produced. (I know--all my friends and family assured me that people would buy them, but until you get the stuff out there, you just don't know.) The rest of the day was the fastest 6 hours ever. It felt more like 2. I tried to study everything I could--other people's displays; the way people look at greeting cards; what sells or doesn't, etc. Best seller, bar none: The gingerbread man card, which The Boy thought up and which I originally rejected as offensive to amputees. Everyone reacted to it. Surprise good seller: the reindeer card, based on a design I sent out to friends almost 10 years ago. Didn't sell at all: the cocktail notecards, which were what got me in the show in the first place. You just never know.

So it was a fast, busy, crazy six hours. The craziest moment: Talking to a woman who works at a local card store that I like very much, and who thinks her boss would looooove my cards. Slightly less crazy: talking to another boutique owner who may want to stock the gingerbread man. Note--neither of them have called me back yet. But still, to have those conversations and then turn around and see The Boy smiling at me because he had heard the whole thing and he was damned proud of me...wow.

Do they still give out props? Because total huge props go out to The Sis and The Boy, who were amazing. They helped set up the booth, handled receipts, acted like my personal boosters, and brought me drinks and food. No better troopers, I tell ya. The Boy was great--every time someone asked if I did wedding invitations, he would pipe up, "We’re doing our own!" And the Sis, with her cheerful, "She designed all of these!" to anyone who stopped by. It was lovely, and so gratifying to be supported like that. They made the day for me. It wouldn’t have been nearly as fun being there all by myself. More props also to the friends who were able to stop by. Awww, you guys. And of course to Amy and Cinnamon, who gave me a shot. If I'm lucky, maybe they'll let me back in next year. (Maybe I should put them on the Christmas cookie list.)

Because as much as I've told The Boy that "I'll be too busy with the wedding and all..." I kinda want to do it again. A lot.

Just a reminder...

...if you're in Chicago this weekend.

Cards are done, packaged, packed away.  Obligatory table banner is created.  Web site has been repeatedly fussed over. Business cards have been printed.

Am I nervous and continually checking my brain for stuff I forgot like someone with craft show-induced OCD?  Fuck yeah.