None for Me, Thanks

I'm not one to put PSAs in my blog. Screeds, goofy interpretations of perfectly normal headlines--yes. I guess that flip-flop thing could be a PSA, but not really. Not like this one. So bear with me.

First, a little background.

I have a seizure disorder. No, this isn't something new. It's just news to many of you because I prefer to keep it private. I've been dealing with it on and off since 1986 (Jesus--has it really been almost 20 years...?). As best I've been able to tell, "seizure disorder" and "epilepsy" are the same thing. No doctor yet has been able to explain the difference to me. I control it with meds, and all is dandy as long as I remember to take them. I am very lucky that way.

However, one of the sticklers of the meds is "no drinking." I've heard from various sources that alcohol can either amplify or negate the effects of the meds. (Yes, both. Helpful, isn't it?) Either way, boozing it up isn't supposed to be on my agenda.

At this point, a few of you are asking, "But didn't I see you drink sangria...?" I do, now. Over the past year, I've been drinking a little. Very rare occasions, and even then no more than an ounce or so. My doctors wouldn't be too happy, but it's my choice and I am very careful. As soon as I feel any effect, I stop. The Boyfriend is amazed at my ability to drink all night and yet have an almost-full glass at the end of the evening. But I like the taste of sangria, and I want to know more about wine. Thus, I drink a little but really almost never. As far as most people know, I don't drink at all. It's often easier to tell them that, just to avoid confusion…usually.

(Here comes the PSA.)

Some people, usually out of a sense of hospitality or camaraderie, have a hard time taking "No, thank you" for an answer. I explain that I don't drink, and it's not enough. I'd rather not go into my medical history during a party, so I respond that "I just don't." Sometimes, this isn't enough either. I've had people take my abstinence to mean I was either a puritan ("Are you sure you want to sit in the bar? I know how you are about drinking, ha ha."), obstinate ("You'll see. We'll hook a bottle of tequila up to your arm.") or just plain weird. I even had a man get angry with me--as in literally stomping-off-mad angry--because I wouldn't try his orange juice and vodka mix at a party. I know all these people meant well, but I also remember what those situations felt like.

So people, with the big party season approaching, I ask a favor. If someone says they don't drink, just accept it. Offer them a Coke and let it go. They may have reasons you can’t imagine. You'll be making it easier on everyone.

Thanks very much.

Comments

[Laura]

As someone who drinks VERY seldom (by choice, not by necessity), I've encountered the kind of folks you mention, and I think your PSA is a kind and useful reminder. Depending on who the person is, though, if they don't take "no" for an answer--I've been known to say I'm a recovering alcoholic (or some strong hint thereto--and no, it ISN'T true). If it's someone I've never seen before and aren't likely to see again, I don't really care what they think of me, and it usually REALLY embarrasses them. Can actually be kind of fun.

[Stephanie Hartman]

I didn't really drink until I was 23/24. And even then it is only one drink at a time. And that one drink lasts for hours (except sangria at tapas places....oh, that was painful...four glasses within two hours).

I had two reasons. When people in college didn't take my first reason as an answer ("I don't like the taste of alcohol and I can taste nothing but alcohol in almost any drink") I had no compunction about dropping my heavy but truthful second reason on them ("My father was a raging alcoholic when I was born, and we're still picking up the pieces."). I found the second reason usually shut people up.

And there's always the handy pregnant/nursing reason that I've had for over two years now. Use with caution.

[AmyWOMAN]

I'm sure I've been guilty of this in the past. We drunks just want you all to have as much fun being obnoxious as we have. Just kidding. Sort of.

Now that I live with someone who has simply chosen not to drink, I think I'm a bit more sensitive. Well, that and drinking only rarely myself these days.

Hope I didn't do that to you on NYE. I remember offering and you turning me down, and I *think* I just said "ok" and left it that. Hope I did, anyway.

[pam]

Yeah, I live with someone who doesn't drink. He declines drinks when they are offered, and that's usually the end of the matter. It's a rare thing, but disturbing nonetheless, when a host(ess) won't take no for an answer. It makes me wonder why he or she craves this level of control over guests.

[eighmie]

You could always say, "Designated Driver" that's as good an excuse as any. And what host is going to force liquor on a "Designated Driver"

[John]

I still remember that first business dinner meeting after the doctor told me seizure meds don't mix well with alcohol. The waiter took my drink order last. I cringed. Everyone else had already asked for beer, wine, a martini or a gin-and-tonic. I took a deep breath and shuddered at memories of what I'd been told as a teenager about the crushing peer pressure applied to kids who choose not to drink. It was a pressure so fearsome that I never had the nerve to test it as a teen. If someone offered a drink, I took it. I wasn't about to risk that kind of humiliation. But on this particular night, the doc's words echoed too freshly in my ears. So, I choked out, "Just a Coke" and braced myself for the onslaught. I dared a timid look around the table, prepared to accept a round of jeers, snorts and pitying shakes of the head. I just knew at least one person would nudge my elbow and say, "Come on, be a man. Order a drink." It never happened. Conversation continued around the table just as it had before the waiter's interruption.

I hope your experience can be more like mine this summer. The seizure thing is enough by itself without all this extraneous aggravation.