The Bride Wore Greed
To answer The Boyfriend's inevitable question: Yes, I have a copy of the latest Martha Stewart Weddings. As if he expected any less.
No, it's not that we're engaged. Really, no. Right now that's all a very maybe-someday-might-could sort of situation. My deal is just that I like weddings…and especially wedding magazines. For a girl who loves ballgowns, flowers and cake (i.e., me) these magazines are a tender trap.
It's PrincessLand in there, I tell ya. Everything is clean, the dresses are so very beautiful, and there are fabulous flowers everywhere. The citizens, when not posing moodily on couches or by dramatic windows, seemingly live on a diet of cocktail hour hors d’oeuvres, sit-down dinners, and cake. Lots of cake. (OK—maybe not too much cake; princess-line dresses are still very in.)
It wasn’t until I started toying with a speculative wedding budget (just to see, I swear) that I realized what was missing from all those pretty pictures. Money—the thing that buys the dresses and frosts the cakes in Real Life, where I live.
Almost every bridal magazine comes with a standard budgeting page--but don't let this fool you. The Sept./Oct. 2003 issue of Bride’s devotes exactly one page to “21 Ways to Save”... in an issue that is 704 pages long. Clearly the flower-encrusted, hand-beaded emphasis is squarely on spending. As they will tell you, it’s Your Special Day, You Only Do This Once, and no one should put a price on the Happiest Day of Your Life. (Unless they’re trying to convince you to spend $35 for a “unity candle” you could make with $10 of materials from your local Michaels. But I digress.)
As much as the magazines want you to ignore the price tags and just focus on being The Bride, the money IS an issue. Especially if like The Boyfriend and I, you would be footing the bill. I admit that when I first got an idea of what a PrincessLand wedding might cost, versus what we could afford (i.e., pay for without debt), it laid me low. I was not only depressed and upset, but angry with myself for letting my hopes get out of proportion. After a while, I came to my senses, started searching out ways to save money, and realized that many of the things I had assumed I would need to pay for, I didn’t even want. Once I stopped thinking toward a magazine-worthy wedding and instead focused on something within reason that we could afford, I was much happier
Which brings me to this. Sigh.
There’s so much to pick on here, I’m not sure where to start. The deep-sea fishing trip for the groomsmen? The week’s rental of a car and a beach house? The fact that Cynthia once took a trip to Spain just to find a bottle of wine? That she seems bound and determined to have a PrincessLand wedding, even if it bankrupts her?
Ultimately, it’s the fact that, after maxing out two credit cards just for the wedding, Cynthia and her beloved have decided that adding any more debt would be bad—but rather than cut out some expenses, they’d like YOU to help pay for it. Because Cynthia really really wants her dream second wedding (price tag: $25K+), including $600 worth of centerpieces and $500 towards the bachelor/ette parties, even if it means asking total strangers to pay for the engagement ring she’s already wearing.
Considering the speculative wedding budget I came up with eventually rang in at about $8,500—and considering how many lovely, meaningful weddings cost so much less than even that—this is beyond shameless. It is so very, very sad.
Wedding-Related Sanity:
Going Bridal
(Don't miss the Evil Wedding Planner—hilarious!)
Two sites that turned my thinking around:
I wonder if anyone is actually going to put some cash in for her ... unbelievable that she (they) would even come up with that idea. What excess.
Posted by: Wendy | Jan 14, 2004 at 04:44 PM
She also came up with the idea of promoting it on the message boards at theknot.com, calling it a "creative" way to finance your wedding.
She was resoundingly roasted.
Posted by: ChgoRed | Jan 15, 2004 at 08:11 AM
Pete and I paid for ours on our own. I was a senior in college with a full-time job I'd been working for a few months, Pete was a broke sys admin at Bradley.
We estimate our total costs came to just under $1000. The most expensive part was the dress (which RevSpork helped me pick out)--a $300 white tea length bridesmaid dress. Next most expensive thing was the pictures--hired a coworker of Pete's who did photography on the side.
Usually the location of the wedding is a big expense. We found a greenhouse in the Peoria park system that could be rented for weddings. Since we got married in mid March, it was already decorated with beautiful Easter lillies--so we had no flower expenses. Seating was limited, so we were able to keep the guest list small and focus on people who were truly important to us. Cost $100.
We had the reception in the alumni dining room of our college--$25 since Pete was alumni. We could have more people there than the wedding. We did cake and punch to keep costs down and made tapes to play for music. Afterwards we told people we were going out to eat at a grill your own steak restaurant, and that if they wanted to join us at their own cost, we'd love to have them. We paid for our families and attendants. Quite a few folks joined us.
Posted by: Stephanie Hartman | Jan 15, 2004 at 09:06 AM
Ugh. I hate those begging sites. My brother and his fiancee' are getting married this year, they are not going broke to do it - they are using the brains God gave them to find everything they want at reasonable prices. They don't want a PrincessLand wedding, they just want a lovely ceremony and reception. I think they'd die before asking for financial help. That woman is a disgraceful spoiled brat.
Posted by: angeline | Jan 15, 2004 at 12:41 PM
Last summer there was a girl named Kayrn in NYC who had accumulated a $25k credit card debt because she was a complusive shopper. She started begging online to have people help her pay it off. This really pissed me off. There are people out there with legitimate needs, like say a mother of 4 with no college education and a deadbeat dad not helping, and this cry baby is asking people to pay her for her "cute" little idea of online begging. I sent her an email basically telling her to go f*ck herself.
The sad thing is a lot of people did give her money and not only that, someone offered her a movie deal to tell her story.
Posted by: carried away | Jan 15, 2004 at 04:59 PM
It seems her site is now down. It's good on the one hand because I think asking for others to pay for your fantasy wedding is horrible. On the other hand, I would have loved to read about her story. Guilty pleasures, I guess.
Our parents are paying for our wedding. My parents are paying for the band, flowers, bar and rehearsal dinner while hers are paying for the caterer and everything else. We're also not planning to have a giant blow-out and expect to stay well within everyone's budgets.
Posted by: D | Jan 20, 2004 at 03:19 PM
Miss Manners had some nice comments on the issue today (Link).">http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/columnists/advice/chi-0401210034jan21,1,5793605.column?coll=chi-leisureadvice-col">Link). I liked this part best:
"Miss Manners acknowledges that this approach to weddings is consistent with the society's belief that vows and loyalties are binding only in regard to the amount of entertainment they continue to yield. The idea of channeling the couple's commitment into the traditions of the society has been reversed, so that weddings have become opportunities for them to show off to society."
The mega-bride magazines can be nice to look at, but you have to realize that they exist solely to convince you that having hand-tatted lace doilies (made by someone else, at great expense) on every table at the reception is a tradition that simply must be upheld, or the day will be ruined! RUINED! and you will regret it for the rest of your life!!!
There is great beauty in simplicity.
Posted by: Myke | Jan 21, 2004 at 10:22 AM